In this darkness
and despair
there is no help
to be seen
I hate this life
I’m living
The termites in my
dreams are investing
my soul eating
up all that is good
all that is light
In the midst
of my darkness
there is only pain
and despair
The skin I hurt with
my own nails
stings to keep me
feeling alive
I don’t want
to do this
The darkness is here
in this deep abyss
where light cannot
exist
The creatures are
frightening and
the noise
is null
Where are the shallows
where the coral glow?
The last hope for
the demons to
go away
Where do I turn
when I feel them
no more?
How did I get
this far into
the darkness
Where will the
light shine
in?
Will it be soon
or will the
shocks continue
The gloom that
follows me is ever
present
Even yesterday the
fog lifted but the
sky was still
cloudy
Loud voices
calling my
name
They are calling
to end the
pain
When I am weak
I hear them more
concede to them
and they ROAR:
STOP THIS
SUFFERING!
When the pain is
deep and I can’t
let go
I see myself
lost and
wandering
In a room full
of darkness
and the thoughts
ROARING.
Today is full
of hope
I never dreamt
that this day would
come
I see myself and
wonder if this
will last
But if I can
hold on to this
then I can be
anyone
Nausea and dizziness
on this day,
but my mind is
clear and the
negative thoughts
have gone away
There is some doubt
that this will last
holding on to the
moment is what
I need
Woke up early
in a dark gloom
waiting to get shocked in
that bright
blue room
The drugs they
give me darken
my eyes and
while I’m asleep
my brain becomes
alive!
I wake up waiting to
feel some relief
but today was just
like the other ones
The tell me
to wait they
tell me soon
they tell me
to have hope
I say BOO HOO!
I’m sad today
I’m sad for tomorrow
I’m sad for Sunday
and Monday and I’m
sad at the moon
I hate this darkness
that encapsles my
soul. I try to show
them I am bright
I show them my
intellect and desire
to move forward
I show them my
hurt and my
broken heart
What do I do when
I show them my doom
that any treatment
won’t open the room
full pf hope and
dreams and love
How can I break
through this door
when I can’t find
the axe
Where do I go
to help this pain
where do I go
to laugh in the rain?
Is it here?
Is it there?
Is it someplace
I haven’t been yet?
Do I get out a map
to find my way?
do I figure out the
path on my own?
Tell me where to go
I need to know I feel
lost and broken
and can’t be found.
The darkness
opens up
and I feel
in need
The light shines
through the
thickened weed
Dandalions
thistles
and broken
thorns
I come
right here
to feel forlorn
This pain
I feel is getting
old
Where do the
tulips and roses
grow?
Another day
to examine
my faults
Another moment
to feel my
heart
Breaking with
the thoughts
of being me
Losing the
effect of
happiness
In sacrificing
myself
to live within
I loathe myself
when I feel this
pain
The pain I feel
inside is
immeasurable
There isn’t anything
to stop it
I don’t understand
what to do with
my heart that
hurts
It won’t let
up and it won’t
desert me
The heartache
is horrid
the pain in my
chest is something
I can’t stand
I want relief,
but don’t know
of anything
to relieve it.
Feeling ignored
being forgotton
its something
I feel everyday
Looking around
at those around
me, I feel stranded
in my own way
What should I do
to feel better?
where should I
go for help?
Wanting to
be loved and
have hope
surround me,
I have no
strength to
stand strong.
Being ignored
and false hope
this journey will
never end
When I feel so sad
and hopeless
where do I go
for show?
Waiting for answers
for the unknown
waiting to walk out
of this doom
I wait for hope
and joy
I wait till I can’t
wait no more
When will there
be peace and
when will the
sun shine, and
when will the
place end with
hope and dreams
My Journey
In and out
of safe places
never knowing
the outcome
Art, occupational
and music therapy
all meant to
do some good
Step by Step
I walk a path
not knowing
where it will end
In the dark
I sleep and
dream of better
times to come
Now I get shock
treatments to
rewire my brain
But I’m impatient
for the results
Will I live past
next week? I’d like
to think so.
But if this
pain still continues
that will probably be
false
I need to feel
some help and hope
and love from
inside me
Where do I get
this light to
shine to go
beside me?
Where do I
look for the
sunshine that
is behind me?
I feel like it
will never come
and the love I give
will hide from me
Will I ever
feel happy
and full of
hope, my
heart and brain do not
think or feel so.
Headaches roar
Heartaches hurt
my life has
become beserk
Outward I look
for some relief
but the darkness
is what I seek
Darkness is
hell and never
rests and the
world does not
stop
I want some sun
to shine on me,
but I don’t ever
see so.
I wait for tomorrow
for another shock
will this one work?
On Friday and Monday
my last two
where do I go from here?
I want some peace
inside my brain
inside my heart and
soul
Where do I go
to seek this
peace when the
pain is so full?
Walking alone
in the world I
feel the emptiness
and the sorrow
Tell me please
why I can’t
move on, and
the ocean is
so shallow
Sometimes in
my deep sorrow
the world is flat
and dull
I don’t see the
world that is
bright and I
don’t see the
sun shine
I imagine a
world full of
hope, and dreams
and happiness
But in my world
there is nothing
but sadness and
disappointment
I wish for tomorrow
for my world to
be hopeful, for the
time to turn forward
and for my love to
unfold
Headache
heartache
lifeache
Wish I
were
not
here
Love to
disappear
